Parents
should begin teaching self-advocacy at a very early age by taking advantage of
real life situations and modeling good advocacy skills. If you see that your
child gets very easily over-stimulated by the sights, sounds and smells of large
stores like Target, you can teach your child to recognize and articulate those
feelings. Even before children learn to speak, parents can begin to teach them
to express feelings in an appropriate manner in order to get their needs met. For
example, if you see that your child is starting to get uncomfortable (most
parents recognize the pre-meltdown signs - it is helpful to become aware of
those signals), you can ask your child if he/she is having a difficult
time. Model the words for your child and
request that they repeat it back if they can. You can model by saying “Mommy,
it’s very loud in this store, I need to go somewhere quieter”. For a young
child, this will go a long way in preventing tantrums and meltdowns. As the
child gets older, being able to express these needs could mean the difference
between success and failure at school, college, in relationships or in the
workplace.
When a
child with special needs reaches school age, teaching self-advocacy should be continued
by the schools. Parents should request that it be part of the IEP as it is a
necessary part of the child’s education if they are to become more effective
citizens.
As the
parent of a hearing impaired child, I witnessed first-hand the outcome when a
child is taught to self-advocate at a very young age. At first it may be the
role of the specialist to advocate on behalf of the child but as the child gets
older, he/she learns to do this in a completely independent manner. Currently
in 7thd grade, my daughter has had the benefit of working with deaf and hard-of-hearing
(DHH) specialists who have taught her self-advocacy since a young age. Now at
the age of 12, she always knows to request to sit at the front of the class and
to request that the teacher repeat instructions if she misses something
important. When there are spelling tests, she doesn’t hesitate to remind the
teacher to face her when reciting the spelling words, or even ask that they be
used in a sentence if there is a word she can’t decipher.
Once we
were out to brunch with our extended family when my 6-year old niece asked my
daughter if she would sit next to her at the table. My daughter said no. At
first I thought she was just being difficult and told her to mind her manners.
As parents we tend not to give our kids the benefit of the doubt. My daughter
quickly put me in my place. She insisted on sitting across from her cousin.
After we settled at the table and were all quietly reading the menu, my
daughter looked up at her cousin, and without any prompting explained to her
that the reason she wanted to sit across from her and not next to her was so
that she would be able to see her mouth and therefore understand her better
(she relies on lip-reading to an extent and especially in noisy environments).
I was amazed by her maturity and ability to be so self-aware. She instinctively
recognized that it was going to be difficult to hear her cousin in the noisy
environment of a restaurant and that it will be easier to converse if she had
the ability to see her face and read her lips from across the table. Even more
impressive was the fact that she was completely unapologetic about it, simply
stating very matter-of-factly that this was what she needed and why.
As this
example demonstrates, there are important benefits that come with learning
about one’s strengths and challenges in order to successfully adjust the
environment to accommodate one’s needs and it can be accomplished at a very
young age.
Daniel
Adatto, BCBA
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