The Five Most Common Parenting Mistakes That Are Easily Avoided:

Making positive behavioral changes can help every parent avoid these common parenting mistakes.

1. Giving attention to bad behaviors   
2. Ignoring good behavior
3. Placating the whining or crying request
4. Saying No when you can say Yes
5. Using time-out as a punishment

1. We parents devote far too much time attention when our children misbehave. In a child’s mind, negative attention is better than no attention so by eliciting a negative reaction (yelling, punishing etc.), the child has in essence won the battle. By rewarding the bad behavior with attention, you are teaching your child that crying, hitting, disobeying, etc., is the way to get your attention and you are perpetuating the bad behavior.

2. This brings us to common mistake no. 2. We punish the bad behaviors, but do we take notice of the good ones? Reverse your negative patterns by catching your child doing something good and reward him/her for behaving. Is your child playing nicely? Don’t run away to make a phone call. Commend that behavior first, reward your child with a positive interaction and you will increase good behaviors while reducing the undesired ones.

3. Placate now – pay later. And pay dearly you will! We parents are so irritated by the crying or whining child that we so often give into the request just to make it stop. Children are very clever. They know that this works.  But ask yourself, is the price worth it? By giving into the request, we are teaching the child to cry or whine to get whatever he wants. I can not stress this enough - Never ever give in to a crying, whining or tantrum request! If your child requests something while crying, you must demand that he/she stops crying and asks nicely before you give him whatever he/she wants. If you are consistent, the crying and whining will decrease over time.

4. We say “NO” 100 times a day and I can almost guarantee that 75% of those NO’s could be Yesses. If we rephrase our response to a more positive alternative and redirect the child instead of just saying no, we can reduce the child’s frustration in being told NO.

• Instead of saying just NO, what he CAN’T do, tell the child what he CAN do. “Can I have a cookie mom?” Instead of immediately saying no, you can say “you can have a cookie when you finish your dinner”.
• Do not forget to give at least two Yesses for each NO. “I want to play outside” Try “It’s too cold right now but we CAN play blocks or dance inside”.

By the way, when you say “NO” to your child, you are teaching him/her to say “NO” to you when you place a request on him/her. So, save the NO’s for when it is necessary. If you child is running to the street or playing with a knife, that’s a NO.

5. A Time-Out should be used to remove a child from an environment where he is receiving attention for a bad behavior, and place him/her in an environment where he/she receives NO attention for the behavior. If you are in the grocery store and your child throws a tantrum, be ready to leave the cart full of groceries and remove your child from that environment where he is getting a lot of attention from you and the rest of the customers, and take him to the car, where you are able to ignore the crying and screaming, thus placing the behavior on extinction: no attention.

Be sure that the tantrum is your child’s way to get attention. If your child is over stimulated by the environment, in pain, scared, hungry or tired, do not use time-out, do not ignore the behavior. Your child needs your help.

And remember, you are there to help your child, not the other way around.

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

Don’t fight lost battles

It’s very inspiring when I see a good teacher focusing on his/her skills rather on students’ deficits. It makes a world of difference when we pay attention on what can we do, instead of what the kids do or don’t do.

Ok, let me give you a real life example.

I was supervising a school case when the class was at PE (Physical Education). An excellent and experienced teacher was conducting the class. The activity was manipulating one of those big parachutes that everybody holds by the edges and lift up. Every time the parachute was lifted the teachers named two kids to go inside. As you can imagine, seven or eight kids went inside ignoring the teacher and aides’ directions. After a couple of times, the PE teachers whispers to herself “this is a lost battle” and instructs everybody to go inside. The kids get very excited and start running in and out, or staying inside when they were supposed to go out. 

At that point the PE teacher says to herself “I lost control” and ends the activity instructing all the kids to sit down. Once everybody was calm. She moved to another activity soon regaining control.

What a great and clever teacher! She didn’t have to yell or get upset.

How many times we as parents or teachers lose control and keep fighting lost battles insisting in forcing our kids to comply instead of rethinking our strategies and switching to an effective plan?

So the advice is simple:

“Don’t fight a lost battle,” be aware when you lost control and have to change gears because what you’re doing is not working. This could mean leaving the cart full of groceries and walking out the store, or leaving a social gathering and going home. It could be that homework is not done that day, or is broken down into short segments, allowing your child for breaks instead of demanding him to work for two hours in arrow.

Another example could be letting your child eat in front of the TV instead of sitting at the dinner table.

As I always say in my blogs, you change kids’ behaviors by changing the behaviors of the adults who deal with those kids. Pure and simple.

Keep this in mind, and have a great summer.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

 

The Crying Game

As we discussed repeatedly in previous blogs, one of the primary principles of applied behavior analysis (aba) is reinforcement, a system that creates desired behaviors by breaking them down into small, teachable steps and rewarding them with positive interaction and desired objectives. Keep in mind that you want to reinforce direction, not perfection.

You reinforce a behavior based on the kind of reaction the behavior elicits. You can increase desired behaviors by rewarding a child when he does something good. The flip side of that is that you can also increase undesired behaviors by rewarding them with attention, so we want to be careful of this. Parents have a tendency to notice misbehavior more often than good behavior. To a child, negative attention is better than no attention so even though we think we are disciplining or trying to teach them the right way, we inadvertently end up reinforcing a bad behavior.

From the time an infant is born, parents instinctively respond when their baby cries.  This is completely natural and appropriate because crying is a baby’s only way of communicating his needs. Problems arise when babies mature into toddlers and continue to use crying and whining as a way of getting something they want while parents, out of habit, continue to respond. Your child cries “I’m hungry”, you give him food.

If you want to eliminate the crying and whining, you need to insist that your child repeat his request without crying or whining and only then attend to his need. You might need to model the appropriate way of communicating wants and needs. You are then rewarding him for communicating his request in an appropriate manner. Over time, the child will learn that his needs will be responded to only when his requests are made without crying. It is difficult at first but if you are consistent over time, the crying and whining will diminish and eventually disappear.  You can further reinforce this by “catching” him being good and offering praise when he does communicate appropriately. Remember, do not ignore desired behaviors. Give your child a strong reason to repeat them.

There is some disagreement about what age a baby stops being a baby and when he is mature enough to understand that mom or dad is not going to respond to crying. Sometimes parents underestimate how smart their little ones really are. But if you have any doubts that even toddlers are clever enough to understand how to manipulate their parents, watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWy9xjijaKE

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

Structure and routine during the summer

“Your daughter officially finished 7^th grade,” said my wife.

“Iujuuuu,” said I.

“No iujuuuu, it means my peace is gone.”

“Oh, oh.”

We are already there. It’s summer and there is no school. Parents’ peace, at least for part of the day, is gone. Behavior problems are creeping in. So it is a good time to review some “summer behavior management strategies.”

Remember: boredom is one of the main culprits of behavior problems in children. The lack of predictability that goes hand in hand with summer and the absence of regular routines can cause stress in children.

Parents usually assume that most children would be happier during the stress-free days of summer. But this isn’t always so. Many children do much better with routines that are more synonymous with the school year. When a child can anticipate what is coming it increases his sense of control and independence and therefore encourages cooperation. Having a familiar routine builds confidence and decreases anxiety.  

But not all is lost just because it is summer. If your child is not attending a summer camp or doesn’t have a daily activity to depend on, it is still possible to build structure and routines into the day. Some useful tips are:

- Maintain times and sequence of events as structured as possible. For example, stick to sleeping and eating routines.

- Since children feel more secure when they know what to expect, it is best to plan the day ahead of time and discuss it your child the day before.

- Build some choices into the day to help your child feel some control and nurture self-esteem.

- If necessary, use visual schedules (pictures, drawings, etc.) to cue a child about what is happening. 

- Present scheduled of activities in a positive manner and try not to be overly rigid. Some flexibility is always necessary. If you remain flexible and adjust your expectations, it will be easier to maintain a stress-free environment for your children.

- Plan physical outlets daily. Kids need to burn energy. Sitting in front of the computer or playing video games for hours long is a recipe for disaster. Planning play-dates at the park or at the beach could be good ideas. Going hiking and bike riding is always fun. 

- Watch what they eat. If your child is not overweight some “junk-food” is OK as long as you balance it with healthy food. Food is the main source of energy. Too much sugar and processed food have a direct effect on mood changes. When in doubt, consult with you pediatrician or a nutritionist.

- Plan some quality one-on-one time with your kids where they are the “boss” and you play with them. 

 

And finally, always include some free time in the day – children need some down time and it can be exhausting to be overly scheduled.

And have a happy summer!

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

A new take on Autism

I came across an interesting video on YouTube called “In My Language”, written by an Autistic adult. It depicts a very interesting angle on Autism and may answer some questions to those of us who have looked at autistic individuals and wondered what must be going through their heads. It also paints a picture of this father’s perseverance and determination while her daughter struggles with the isolating challenges of autism.

Overall it is an inspiring story that is dramatic but at the same time encouraging and offers a good glimpse into the mind of someone with autism. It shows how communication is paramount in the relationship with your children, and especially at this level of autism. For most behavior difficulties, communication emerges as part of the problem and is an essential part of the solution. If the behavior problem is related to the child’s communication needs, then teaching more effective communication skills needs to be a major part of the solution.

For this reason teaching and encouraging functional communication should be a key component of any intervention program. As teachers and parents we should take every possible steps to build healthy communication repertoires. And as the video shows, communication is not limited to talking. There is plenty of technology to compensate the lack of verbal communication. Pictures, signing, visual clues are some other ways you can help your child to communicate.

The first part of the video is in her "native language," and depicts a typical perspective of someone disabled, unable to communicate, weird hand flailing and repetitive movements. But then the second part provides a translation, or at least an explanation of how the autistic individual’s mind works. It is a wonderful statement about what gets considered intelligence, personhood, language, and communication, and what does not.

I think the point she very effectively communicates is that the fact that we don’t understand them, in their language, does not mean that they are the disabled ones. 

Let’s understand them. We should not give up. They are there, we just need to find them.

 

This is the link to the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnylM1hI2jc

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

Urine test to screen for Autism

Women have been doing it for over a decade: Pee on a stick in the privacy of your own home and moments later, find out if you are pregnant. Two lines or one, positive or negative, pregnant or not pregnant. It’s as simple as that. Could it now be this simple to diagnose Autism?

According to a research published a couple of years ago, children with autism have a different chemical fingerprint in their urine than non-autistic children. The researchers behind the study, from Imperial College London and the University of South Australia, suggest that their findings could ultimately lead to a simple urine test to determine whether or not a young child has autism.

According to the CDC, Autism affects an estimated one in every 100 people in the US. People with autism have a range of different symptoms, but they commonly experience problems with communication and social skills, such as understanding other people's emotions and making conversation and eye contact. Currently, diagnosing a child with Autism can be a very subjective process. Parents often notice something is not right about their child between the ages of 12-18 months. At present, the only way to assess a child for autism is through a lengthy process involving a range of tests that explore the child's social interaction, communication and imaginative skills. Many children don’t get diagnosed until even later, missing a critical window of opportunity for early intervention.

People with autism are also known to suffer from gastrointestinal disorders and they have a different makeup of bacteria in their guts from non-autistic people.

This research shows that it is possible to distinguish between autistic and non-autistic children by looking at the by-products of gut bacteria and the body's metabolic processes in the children's urine. The exact biological significance of gastrointestinal disorders in the development of autism is unknown.

The distinctive urinary metabolic fingerprint for autism identified in this new study could form the basis of a non-invasive test that might help diagnose autism earlier.

This would enable autistic children to begin treatment for autism, such as advanced behavioral therapy, earlier in their development than is currently possible.

Early intervention using the methods of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) can greatly improve the progress of children with autism. The earlier the better.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA
cadatto@tesidea.com

 

 

 

Twins and Autism Spectrum Disorders

For years, scientists, parents, and doctors have debated the causes of autism. According to certain studies, there is a higher rate of autism among identical twins and although not as high, fraternal twins. Twin studies may seemingly point to a genetic cause for the autism spectrum disorder; however, the increased risk amongst fraternal twins seems to indicate that environmental factors also play a role.

While there is still much to be studied on this topic, documentation of twins development where one twin suffers from autism and the other is typically developing can help researchers tremendously.

I came across a series of videos released by the National Autism Awareness Month, Rethink Autism a while ago which help to raise awareness of autism among parents. Through the powerful story of Trina McField, a mother who recognized early signs of autism in one of her twin boys, these videos educate viewers on how to spot the early signs of autism, highlighting the contrast in behavior between a child with autism and his typically developing twin brother. The videos also suggest evidenced-based treatment options available to parents and show the dramatic improvement in a two-year-old boy with autism after just five months of treatment at home. Behind the video footage is an incredible story of a mother who perseveres through doubt and uncertainty to bring hope to and create a future for her son with autism. The story inspires and empowers parents to start early intervention treatment using an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)-based curriculum. Recommended by the US Surgeon General and the American Academy of Pediatrics, ABA is the only treatment for autism that has been consistently validated by independent scientific research.

When in doubt consult with your pediatrician. And give us a call. We, who devoted our professional lives to this field, are here to help.  

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com