Kids and Summer Time

We are just a few weeks away from summer vacation and already I can see the behavior problems creeping in. Boredom is one of the main culprits of behavior problems in children. The lack of predictability that goes hand in hand with summer and the absence of regular routines can cause stress in children and can in turn cause them to act out.

Parents may overlook this factor. After all, what child doesn’t love being out of school? Adults assume that most children would be happier during the stress-free days of summer. But this isn’t always so. Many children do much better with routines that are more synonymous with the school year. When a child can anticipate what is coming it increases his sense of control and independence and therefore encourages cooperation. Having a familiar routine builds confidence and decreases anxiety.  

But all is not lost just because it is summer. If your child is not attending a summer camp or doesn’t have a daily activity to depend on, it is still possible to build structure and routines into the day. Some useful tips are:

 - Try to maintain times and sequence of events as structured as possible. For example, if a child is used to eating breakfast as soon as he wakes up, stick to this routine.

- Since children feel more secure when they know what to expect, it is best to plan the day ahead of time and discuss it your child the day before.

- Build some choices into the day to help your child feel some control and nurture self-esteem.

- Use visual schedules (pictures, drawings, etc.) to cue a child about what is happening. 

- Present scheduled of activities in a positive manner and try not to be overly rigid. Some flexibility is always necessary. If you remain flexible and adjust your expectations, it will be easier to maintain a stress-free environment for your children.

- Plan physical outlets daily. Kids need to burn energy. Sitting in front of the computer or playing video games for hours long is a recipe for disaster. Planning play-dates at the park or at the beach could be good ideas. Going hiking and bike riding is always fun. 

- Watch what they eat. If your child is not overweight some “junk-food” is OK as long as you balance it with healthy food. Food is the main source of energy. Too much sugar and processed food have a direct effect on mood changes. When in doubt, consult with you pediatrician or a nutritionist.

-  Plan some quality one-on-one time with your kids where they are the “boss” and you play with them. 

 

And last but not least, always include some free time in the day – children need some down time and it can be exhausting to be overly scheduled.

 

And have a happy summer!

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

When the rewarding program is not working

My clients (parents, teachers, therapists) often come to me in frustration that the rewards plans to change behaviors are not working, or that their child does not respond to reinforcement.

We know that behaviors are governed by the same principles across people, ages and environments. Behaviors that are rewarded (they work to obtain desired objectives or avoid undesired ones) continue in the future. On the other hand, behaviors that are not rewarded (or are rewarded inconsistently) stop. So if a rewards program is not working, we must delve deeper and examine where the breakdown is and how can we adjust the program to make it work, because when implemented properly, the programs DO work.

Because these principles are based on decades of well-designed and proven scientific research, one can not say that someone does not respond to reinforcement.  As Bobby Newman and Dana Reinecke put it in their book “Behavioral Detectives” (highly recommended, very easy to read), “that is like saying someone does not respond to the laws of gravity.” If the desired behavior does not continue it is because there was no reinforcement, the reinforcement program was not implemented effectively. As the authors say, “Just because you delivered a consequence does not mean that you delivered a reinforcement.”

From Applied Behavior Analysis, by Cooper, Heron and Heward: “Reinforcement (rewarding) is the most important and widely used principle of Behavior Analysis,”

Let’s take a look at some examples:

Scenario 1: Paul works at the grocery store. He receives $15 per hour. His supervisor approaches him one day to inform him his pay will be reduced to $10 per hour.

Scenario 2: Marie has been working at the doctor’s office for a few months already. She is paid randomly so she works for free several times per month.

Scenario 3: John realizes that co-workers who don’t come to work every day and/or do not complete their assignments get paid the same amount of money as he does.

Scenario 4: Nick is rewarded with stickers for cleaning up his room. He has several binders filled with stickers. He recently expressed not being interested in stickers any more.

As a result, Paul resigns, Marie doesn’t come to work anymore, John attends work and does not complete assignments as expected, and Nick stops cleaning up his room.

Not surprising, right? Well, this is what often happens with the implementation of rewarding plans when managing children’s behaviors. And yet, parents, teachers, therapists and caregivers continue with the inconsistent implementation of rewarding plans and the lack of change in the child’s behaviors.  

Our focus should always be to reward good behaviors and ignore (not allowed access to rewards or “pay offs”) the not so good ones. But this has to be effective, or the plan will not work. How we know that the plan is working or not? The individual, through her behaviors, is going to tell us.

Some of the keys to making a reinforcing program successfully are:

-        Do not ignore good behaviors. If you promise a reward, even when the child might forget that you promised him an ice-cream, you must follow through and get him an ice-cream. If you asked your child to hold your hand in the parking lot, don’t go to your smartphone as soon as he holds your hand. Praise him, give your child some positive attention, reward him with some quality time. In other words, you want to reinforce because your message is “there is a reward if you behave as expected.”

-        Adjust the way in which rewards are delivered according to the behaviors displayed by the individual. If it seems that is not working, perhaps the rewards have to be provided more often and/or in different magnitude.

-        If the reinforcement plan is to be effective the criteria for the response need to be planned out in detail, understood, and implemented consistently by everyone involved in the child's program.

-        Reinforcement should be motivating to the student: use reinforcements of sufficient magnitude.

-        Initially, set a criteria for earning reinforcement that is easy to achieve for the child.

-        The reinforcer has to be exclusive to reward the specific desired behavior. If the child has free access to candy, why would he make an effort, right?

 

Reward more, reward often, reward effectively. And you’ll be handsomely rewarded.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

Threatening

“Stop it right now or…”

Threatening your children is almost never a good idea. First of all, you’re teaching them a skill you don’t really want them to have: the ability to use brute force or superior cunning to get what they want, even when the other person isn’t willing to cooperate.

Secondly, you’re putting yourself in an awkward position in which you either have to follow through on your threats—exacting a punishment you threatened in the heat of your anger—or you have to back down, teaching your child that your threats are meaningless. Either way, you’re not getting the result you want and you’re damaging your relation with your child. And there is that bitter taste in your mouth, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, right?

While it can be difficult to resist the urge to threaten, try sharing vulnerably and redirecting to something more appropriate instead. “It’s NOT OK to hit your brother. I’m worried that he will get hurt, or he’ll retaliate and hurt you. If you’re mad, you may punch a pillow, the couch or the bed.”

By offering an alternative that is safer yet still allows the child to express her feelings you’re validating her emotions even as you set a clear boundary for her behavior. This will ultimately lead to better self-control and emotional wellbeing for your child.

When I was a child, not so long ago, my grandma used to threaten us with “The Old Man with the Bag” who comes and takes the kids that misbehave. Well, you can imagine the nightmares and dark thoughts trying to picture this evil guy who might come and take me, or my brother, forever.

Some threats are a little less intense. For example, “You won’t get ice-cream,” “I’ll call the police,” or “I’ll tell your dad,” only to forget later and give your child ice-cream and….. Well, you get the idea. Try instead “When you finish your homework you can watch TV;” “If you guys play nicely you can have ice-cream;” or “You cleaned your room, I’ll call your daddy at work, he’ll be so proud of you.” As discussed in previous blogs, praise and rewards go a long way.

Try to avoid aversive techniques of discipline, including loss of privileges and any other way to cause emotional or psychological suffering. In your quest to raise your kids you’ll be ahead of the game because motivation and love are the most powerful tools of discipline. 

For the record, I found out that there is no “Old Man with a Bag.”

  

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

 

 

The Value of a Good Praise

One cannot overestimate the power of a good praise. Who doesn’t like to be praised? Most of us like to be told we did something well. And as a result we’ll try to do it again, and again, and again. Kids are the same.

 

Therefore, praise is necessary to reward (reinforce) desired behaviors. Do not ignore good behavior if you want to see it again.

 

It is important to note that praise should not be related to how you feel about the relationship/person. It should be about the behavior: “Good job with your homework.” “I’m happy you are playing with your brother so nicely.”

 

This being said, it is very easy to spoil your praise by adding words to it that might cause the opposite effect of what you intent. Rather than encouraging, they punish.

 

So, here is a list of our favorite “Praise Spoilers”:

 

BRINGING IN THE PAST: “Well, finally you did .......” Keep in mind that kids live in the present. If you child perform the desired behavior, “now” is what matters.  

 

BRINGING IN THE FUTURE: “I hope you do ........next time.” Or “See, if you make an effort, you’ll be able to do it again next time.” This can be overwhelming and therefore, punishing. “Because I did it now, I’ll have to do it forever,” is what your child might feel.

 

DISCOUNTING: “That wasn’t too hard, was it?” Don’t be “cheap.” The value is in a clear and straight praise.

 

GOING TOO LONG: “You did such a good job, I’ve never seen you do ......like you did now, because.....” The child tunes you out after a while and learns to tune you out from the beginning next time you praise him.

 

ADDING ON: Putting “but” after. “Good! You’ve made your bed, BUT look at the toys”. Do your child a favor, let him savor you praising him for a little bit, would you?

 

PROPHESYING: “I knew you could do it.” Are you telling your child he didn’t do it before “on purpose”? Even if you mean that you trusted him, your praise could easily be misunderstood.

 

PRAISING CHILD, NOT PERFORMANCE: we make it about the child’s real self, instead of about what he’s doing. Love is NOT unconditional. “I’m proud of or I love you because you cleaned your room.” We should be proud of our kids unconditionally, love them no matter what they do or don’t do.

 

EXAGGERATION: “That’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” Just because they drew a picture of a girl holding a flower, seriously? Praise in proportion, do not overdue it, kids feel the difference. And they will really appreciate when the “most beautiful” is deserved.

 

COMPARING: You teach your child to compare themselves to others. “You do so much better than your brother”.

What are the risks of praise spoiling?

Well, just to mention two, your child can become a “workaholic” (works harder & harder to get love & acceptance) and/or give up: “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be good enough. Why bother?”

 

So, fantastic job mom and dad, we love you, you are the best and we couldn’t be prouder. Keep up the amazing work you are doing raising your awesome kids!!!!!

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

 

 

 

 

 

What’s in a Child’s Mind?

I think it’s time to put ourselves in our children’s shoes, see the world through their eyes. Instead of demanding them to adjust to us, I submit to you that we’ll be better if we adjust to them. After all, we are the adults, right?  

So, today I’ll be your translator. It might be a good idea to write an “Adults-Children” dictionary.  

First, kids live in the present. “Now” is their entire lives. And this is more relevant when trying to understand kids with special needs. When you say “No more TV” they hear “No more TV forever.” If they have a tummy ache, they are hungry, tired, cold, hot, BORED, it is for the rest of their lives.

Second, they play, that’s what they do. Their goal in life is to have fun, to seek pleasant sensations, to enjoy, to do what they like ALL THE TIME. When you tell them it’s time to get dressed to go to school, or leave the computer because they have to brush their teeth, what they hear is “It’s time to leave paradise to go to hell.” Imagine how you would feel if you have to leave the comfort of your home to go to work at a job you either don’t like or you hate. By the way, you have to do it for free, no salary or any compensation whatsoever.

 

Children learn by imitation rather than following directions. If there is screaming at home, they’ll scream. If they see violence on TV or video games, they’ll like violence. If we adults throw a tantrum when we get frustrated, they’ll incorporate tantrums to their behavior repertoires. If you say “No” to them a thousand times per day, they learn to say “No” when you need their compliance.   

And children cannot wait, they didn’t grasp yet the understanding of “Not Now”, or “I’m on the phone” or “Mommy is busy.” Kids’ basic principle of conduct is “Instant Gratification.” What they know since birth is “I cried and mommy runs to feed or comfort me.” Selfishness rather than patience is their language.  

 

Last but not least, kids don’t play by the rules. They can scream and cry as if they are being tortured. They hit, bite, throw things, etc. It is “guerilla” fight.

So, now we understand them, at least in part. What do we do with this information?

 

We change our behaviors in order to change our kids’ behaviors.

If you know they live in the present instead of telling them “No more TV”, you can say something like “It’s time to do homework. If you finish your homework, you can watch TV after dinner.” “We can’t go outside right now, but we can go to the park tomorrow.” Grant wishes in the future. Do not leave them with a plain “No.”

And wait until the show (or game) is over, do not interrupt favorite activities to ask them to perform non-preferred tasks.

Easy so far? Ok, let’s keep going.

Feed them before they are hungry; provide them with fun activities (an enriched, stimulating environment) BEFORE they get bored. Find them healthy recreational activities (sports, arts & crafts, music, etc.). Planned play-dates.  A weekend with no plans is a recipe for disaster. 

 

Transform non-preferred activities in preferred ones by pairing them with rewards. For example, instead of “No more computer, it’s time to brush your teeth,” try “When you finish brushing your teeth you can play on the computer. Come on, hurry up!” You would  be more than willing to leave the comfort of your home if you are going to a Spa, or a well-paid job that you enjoy, right? The same applies to your kids. Another example could be “It is bed time. If follow directions I’ll give you 25 cents each night you can use to buy a toy.”

Because they learn by imitation, teach by example. Show them how you control yourself in times of frustration and how to appropriately interact with others. Model polite manners. Monitor what they watch on TV and what they play on the computer.

If you know children don’t play by the rules, do not engage in power struggles with them. They will throw a tantrum at the grocery store and you’ll have to give in to their demands, thus reinforcing problematic behaviors. Motivate rather than force. Prevent rather than react. Be ready, always have a Plan B. Do not throw yourself into troubled waters hoping things will be OK. Very likely they won’t.

Do as much as possible when they are at school, asleep or when daddy is home. Satiate them with attention before talking on the phone or washing dishes.

Follow these simple strategies and you won’t believe how your life will change. Learn to manipulate your kids. After all, they manipulate us, right? 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA                                                                                          

cadatto@tesidea.com 

Alternatives to Punishment

I’d like to start this blog defining Punishment/Aversive Behavior Management.

 

First, punishment is doing something unpleasant to an individual in an effort to stop a behavior from occurring.   Therefore, it is likely to produce psychological, emotional and/or physical pain. And this is one of the main reasons why we recommend to stay away from punishment. Especially when talking about parenting your precious kids.  

 

Punishment can be also defined by the behavior of the individual being punished because he/she would avoid or escape from it if given the opportunity.

 

Using punishment is reacting out of frustration. For more information on this topic see our blog “Responding vs. Reacting” by clicking on http://totaleducationsolutions.blogspot.com/2013/08/responding-vs-reacting.html

 

What are the effects of punishment?

 

Stops the behavior for the moment. This is why people use punishment. However, it suppresses but does not eliminate the behavior. This is another reasons why we recommend against it.

 

Punishment puts the parent in the position of trying to control the child’s behavior versus teaching the child to control their own behavior, often resulting in power struggles which cause stress, frustration and anger to the parent.

 

Punishment creates fear, anger and/or resentment, which can result in more severe behavior problems. It teaches that whatever the child is trying to communicate is not important, wrong or bad.

 

In sum, people tend to use punishment because it stops the child’s problem behavior immediately, and therefore reinforces the parents’ punishing behavior. It is also an outlet for the parents’ own frustration and anger.

 

So, what to do instead? What the alternatives to punishment?

 

Positive/Non-aversive behavior management avoids the use of punishment because the goal is to develop or increase the occurrence of the desirable, functional behaviors.

 

Positive behavior management is implemented with a concern for the rights and dignity of the individual; its principles and strategies are acceptable to the general public and thus, can be implemented in community environments.

 

Here are some tips:

 

-  Look at what the person is trying to communicate, and teach another way to communicate it    appropriately.

-  Teach your kids how to cope with their emotions.

-  Set limits on inappropriate behavior.  For more information on Limits Settings go to http://totaleducationsolutions.blogspot.com/2013/02/limits-and-consequences.html

 

 - And always reward positive behavior.

 

Example:

 

a. Alternative communications: “Use your words, tell me that you are angry”.

 

b. Coping skills: “Let’s take some deep breaths. Go in your room and listen to music.”

 

c. Set limits: “It’s not okay to yell at me.”

 

d. Reinforcement: “That’s great that you got mad, but you did not yell!”  “You earned two points today.”

     

Steps to a non-aversive Approach

1. First, validate the child’s feelings: “I know you are mad at me because you want to go outside and I told you ‘No’.”

2. Set limits on the inappropriate behavior: “But you need to follow my directions and stay inside because it is raining.”

3. Provide alternatives to the behavior (look at what the child is trying to communicate and teach them another way): “Now, how about playing with your Legos, or your drawing set?”

4. Grant the child’s wishes in the future: “You will be able to play outside after school tomorrow.” 

5. Reward positive behavior: “It’s great that you got mad but you followed directions.  You earned your sticker.” 

 

Always remember Janet Hackleman’s phrase: “The goal of parents should not be to control their children’s behaviors but to teach them to control themselves.”

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

 

 

Tailoring programs to students

As a Behavior Analyst, I observe and work in various settings. Recently I came across comments on another Autism related blog that proclaimed Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) just makes kids into robots due to its overly high structured protocols and interventions!

Whenever I read these types of comments, I think to myself- ABA is not just about highly structured interventions with massive discrete trials that rewards correct responses with M&Ms.

Yes, I have to be honest, I do come across some ABA programs that are highly structured and lack fading procedures and Natural Environment Teaching. Yes, I do come across behavioral psychologists who joke about the ABA usage of primary reinforcers like M&Ms.

However, my response is usually this: A truly experienced Behavior Analyst will know what is necessary for each individual, situation and setting and will apply ABA principles accordingly.

I supervise a student with Autism who is mainstreamed with typical developing children. It has been very nice to witness how this child has grown over the past few years being in regular school with some added therapeutic supports.

On the other hand, I worked with students with Autism placed in general education classes where they are completely lost. This students desperately need one-on-one instruction with emphasis on motivation and teaching basic functional skills, such as attention and imitation. How are they going to learn if they cannot pay attention or imitate what is being taught? 

Thus, I have seen both sides, settings that were mainly Natural Environment Teaching that needed more structure and discrete trial additions to overly structured programs that needed to become more flexible and natural.

Is there an easy answer to all of this? NO. It all DEPENDS upon many factors that have to be assessed and evaluated individually. ABA is a single-subject design. This means, programs are tailored to the student. One of the problems with special education is cookie-cut curriculums that fit all. Instead of adjusting the environment to the student, the ABA environmental approach, they ask the student to adjust to the environment.

Sounds good? Well, let’s get back to work.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com