What’s in a Child’s Mind?

I think it’s time to put ourselves in our children’s shoes, see the world through their eyes. Instead of demanding them to adjust to us, I submit to you that we’ll be better if we adjust to them. After all, we are the adults, right?  

So, today I’ll be your translator. It might be a good idea to write an “Adults-Children” dictionary.  

First, kids live in the present. “Now” is their entire lives. And this is more relevant when trying to understand kids with special needs. When you say “No more TV” they hear “No more TV forever.” If they have a tummy ache, they are hungry, tired, cold, hot, BORED, it is for the rest of their lives.

Second, they play, that’s what they do. Their goal in life is to have fun, to seek pleasant sensations, to enjoy, to do what they like ALL THE TIME. When you tell them it’s time to get dressed to go to school, or leave the computer because they have to brush their teeth, what they hear is “It’s time to leave paradise to go to hell.” Imagine how you would feel if you have to leave the comfort of your home to go to work at a job you either don’t like or you hate. By the way, you have to do it for free, no salary or any compensation whatsoever.

 

Children learn by imitation rather than following directions. If there is screaming at home, they’ll scream. If they see violence on TV or video games, they’ll like violence. If we adults throw a tantrum when we get frustrated, they’ll incorporate tantrums to their behavior repertoires. If you say “No” to them a thousand times per day, they learn to say “No” when you need their compliance.   

And children cannot wait, they didn’t grasp yet the understanding of “Not Now”, or “I’m on the phone” or “Mommy is busy.” Kids’ basic principle of conduct is “Instant Gratification.” What they know since birth is “I cried and mommy runs to feed or comfort me.” Selfishness rather than patience is their language.  

 

Last but not least, kids don’t play by the rules. They can scream and cry as if they are being tortured. They hit, bite, throw things, etc. It is “guerilla” fight.

So, now we understand them, at least in part. What do we do with this information?

 

We change our behaviors in order to change our kids’ behaviors.

If you know they live in the present instead of telling them “No more TV”, you can say something like “It’s time to do homework. If you finish your homework, you can watch TV after dinner.” “We can’t go outside right now, but we can go to the park tomorrow.” Grant wishes in the future. Do not leave them with a plain “No.”

And wait until the show (or game) is over, do not interrupt favorite activities to ask them to perform non-preferred tasks.

Easy so far? Ok, let’s keep going.

Feed them before they are hungry; provide them with fun activities (an enriched, stimulating environment) BEFORE they get bored. Find them healthy recreational activities (sports, arts & crafts, music, etc.). Planned play-dates.  A weekend with no plans is a recipe for disaster. 

 

Transform non-preferred activities in preferred ones by pairing them with rewards. For example, instead of “No more computer, it’s time to brush your teeth,” try “When you finish brushing your teeth you can play on the computer. Come on, hurry up!” You would  be more than willing to leave the comfort of your home if you are going to a Spa, or a well-paid job that you enjoy, right? The same applies to your kids. Another example could be “It is bed time. If follow directions I’ll give you 25 cents each night you can use to buy a toy.”

Because they learn by imitation, teach by example. Show them how you control yourself in times of frustration and how to appropriately interact with others. Model polite manners. Monitor what they watch on TV and what they play on the computer.

If you know children don’t play by the rules, do not engage in power struggles with them. They will throw a tantrum at the grocery store and you’ll have to give in to their demands, thus reinforcing problematic behaviors. Motivate rather than force. Prevent rather than react. Be ready, always have a Plan B. Do not throw yourself into troubled waters hoping things will be OK. Very likely they won’t.

Do as much as possible when they are at school, asleep or when daddy is home. Satiate them with attention before talking on the phone or washing dishes.

Follow these simple strategies and you won’t believe how your life will change. Learn to manipulate your kids. After all, they manipulate us, right? 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA                                                                                          

cadatto@tesidea.com 

Alternatives to Punishment

I’d like to start this blog defining Punishment/Aversive Behavior Management.

 

First, punishment is doing something unpleasant to an individual in an effort to stop a behavior from occurring.   Therefore, it is likely to produce psychological, emotional and/or physical pain. And this is one of the main reasons why we recommend to stay away from punishment. Especially when talking about parenting your precious kids.  

 

Punishment can be also defined by the behavior of the individual being punished because he/she would avoid or escape from it if given the opportunity.

 

Using punishment is reacting out of frustration. For more information on this topic see our blog “Responding vs. Reacting” by clicking on http://totaleducationsolutions.blogspot.com/2013/08/responding-vs-reacting.html

 

What are the effects of punishment?

 

Stops the behavior for the moment. This is why people use punishment. However, it suppresses but does not eliminate the behavior. This is another reasons why we recommend against it.

 

Punishment puts the parent in the position of trying to control the child’s behavior versus teaching the child to control their own behavior, often resulting in power struggles which cause stress, frustration and anger to the parent.

 

Punishment creates fear, anger and/or resentment, which can result in more severe behavior problems. It teaches that whatever the child is trying to communicate is not important, wrong or bad.

 

In sum, people tend to use punishment because it stops the child’s problem behavior immediately, and therefore reinforces the parents’ punishing behavior. It is also an outlet for the parents’ own frustration and anger.

 

So, what to do instead? What the alternatives to punishment?

 

Positive/Non-aversive behavior management avoids the use of punishment because the goal is to develop or increase the occurrence of the desirable, functional behaviors.

 

Positive behavior management is implemented with a concern for the rights and dignity of the individual; its principles and strategies are acceptable to the general public and thus, can be implemented in community environments.

 

Here are some tips:

 

-  Look at what the person is trying to communicate, and teach another way to communicate it    appropriately.

-  Teach your kids how to cope with their emotions.

-  Set limits on inappropriate behavior.  For more information on Limits Settings go to http://totaleducationsolutions.blogspot.com/2013/02/limits-and-consequences.html

 

 - And always reward positive behavior.

 

Example:

 

a. Alternative communications: “Use your words, tell me that you are angry”.

 

b. Coping skills: “Let’s take some deep breaths. Go in your room and listen to music.”

 

c. Set limits: “It’s not okay to yell at me.”

 

d. Reinforcement: “That’s great that you got mad, but you did not yell!”  “You earned two points today.”

     

Steps to a non-aversive Approach

1. First, validate the child’s feelings: “I know you are mad at me because you want to go outside and I told you ‘No’.”

2. Set limits on the inappropriate behavior: “But you need to follow my directions and stay inside because it is raining.”

3. Provide alternatives to the behavior (look at what the child is trying to communicate and teach them another way): “Now, how about playing with your Legos, or your drawing set?”

4. Grant the child’s wishes in the future: “You will be able to play outside after school tomorrow.” 

5. Reward positive behavior: “It’s great that you got mad but you followed directions.  You earned your sticker.” 

 

Always remember Janet Hackleman’s phrase: “The goal of parents should not be to control their children’s behaviors but to teach them to control themselves.”

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

 

 

Tailoring programs to students

As a Behavior Analyst, I observe and work in various settings. Recently I came across comments on another Autism related blog that proclaimed Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) just makes kids into robots due to its overly high structured protocols and interventions!

Whenever I read these types of comments, I think to myself- ABA is not just about highly structured interventions with massive discrete trials that rewards correct responses with M&Ms.

Yes, I have to be honest, I do come across some ABA programs that are highly structured and lack fading procedures and Natural Environment Teaching. Yes, I do come across behavioral psychologists who joke about the ABA usage of primary reinforcers like M&Ms.

However, my response is usually this: A truly experienced Behavior Analyst will know what is necessary for each individual, situation and setting and will apply ABA principles accordingly.

I supervise a student with Autism who is mainstreamed with typical developing children. It has been very nice to witness how this child has grown over the past few years being in regular school with some added therapeutic supports.

On the other hand, I worked with students with Autism placed in general education classes where they are completely lost. This students desperately need one-on-one instruction with emphasis on motivation and teaching basic functional skills, such as attention and imitation. How are they going to learn if they cannot pay attention or imitate what is being taught? 

Thus, I have seen both sides, settings that were mainly Natural Environment Teaching that needed more structure and discrete trial additions to overly structured programs that needed to become more flexible and natural.

Is there an easy answer to all of this? NO. It all DEPENDS upon many factors that have to be assessed and evaluated individually. ABA is a single-subject design. This means, programs are tailored to the student. One of the problems with special education is cookie-cut curriculums that fit all. Instead of adjusting the environment to the student, the ABA environmental approach, they ask the student to adjust to the environment.

Sounds good? Well, let’s get back to work.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

Five steps to becoming a better cook

I was reading an article about cooking (a hobby of mine) when I realized the recommendations for becoming a better cook were a great analogy to those that I would make to becoming a better parent. If you want to have more successful interactions with your children, either playing, giving instructions or disciplining them, read these recommendations carefully.

1.  Pay attention                                                      

This is the first and most important rule. Put away your cellphone and don’t answer the other phone. Turn off the TV. Facebook will wait. Focus on what you are doing. Be aware. What does the food look like? What does it smell like? How does it sound? These are important hints the dish (child) is giving you (i.e. body language, facial expressions, changes in breathing, etc.). Yes, I’m talking about your interactions with your children. Pay attention to what you are doing. Yelling directions from another room while you are on the phone is not going to be effective. In addition this will lead to frustration because you’ll have to yell louder and repeat the directions countless times. Be present and enjoy parenting. Believe me, it can be wonderful.

2.  Keep it simple

You don’t learn to cook by starting with complex, multi-element dishes. Begin by learning the basics. Repeat them until you are satisfied with the results. Move to another dish only after you’ve mastered the first one. Only by this kind of repetition will you come to understand what is going on during cooking. As a parent, don’t expect to defuse every tantrum and have compliant children 100% of the time. Don’t assume that they know how to behave, or that they understand when you say “Be a good boy.” Don’t give them complex directions that they won’t understand or remember. You might feel good with your long speeches, but they are ineffective. Your kids tune out, it’s too much for them. Keep it simple, one step at the time. Break down complex tasks (clean up your room could be a complex and overwhelming task) into small steps and assist your child to achieve one at the time before moving to the next one. In that way both you and your child will feel successful.

3. Organize

Read the recipe. Then read it again. Figure out what utensils you’re going to need and which ingredients. Cooking at home is different than in a restaurant. It is more efficient to slot in some tasks during the down time when you’d otherwise be standing around. Do as much as you can when your kids are at school. Be ready for when they are back. Learn. Knowledge and information are powerful tools. Not only doesn’t anyone teach us how to be a good parent, but kids don’t come with instructions. Seek professional help, attend parenting classes, read parenting books (and these blogs religiously). Spend some time and energy eliminating clutter in your home and your mind. For more info, read our blog “Stress Management”: http://totaleducationsolutions.blogspot.com/search?q=stress+management)    

4.  Make a commitment

Learning is a process, not a single step. Becoming a good cook is going to take a little time. There is more to it than reading a recipe and following a set of instructions. Don’t become discouraged if your first effort isn’t perfect. Figure out what went wrong, remember it and move along. It will be better the next time.
This is for parenting also. Don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Be consistent and persistent. It will take some time, especially if you are changing your parenting strategies. Make it a priority. It will be more than worth it, I promise.

5. Shop carefully

You can always spot good cooks because they take their time choosing ingredients. Beginners rush through, thinking that cooking begins in the kitchen. It really starts in the market: choose the ripest pieces of fruit, the most colored vegetables, even if you have to sort one piece at the time. Spend extra time choosing the best ingredients and it will save you hours of time cooking. Hurry through and you’ll have to work some kind of crazy kitchen magic just to make something decent enough to eat.
Mindful parents take time to choose the best environment for their children. They get involved in their education. They look for the right books, toys and activities  (including video games). Kids need to spend time outside and burn energy. They benefit enormously from practicing sports. Not only do they get exercise, they learn discipline and friendship. It’s very important that they eat healthy food and they sleep enough. Finding a good pediatrician and pediatric dentist also takes time, research and effort. Everything matters. Think about parenting as a puzzle you need to carefully piece together.

I hope this is helpful to enhance your parenting skills and if not, at least it will make you a better cook.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA

cadatto@tesidea.com

 

 

Autismland

Reading the article Voice of “silent prison” published in the LA Times on Sunday December 22, 2013, I feel Ido Kedar is talking on behalf of most of my students. He wrote “Ido in Autismland” to tell educators and experts that they had it all wrong.   

For starters, Ido, a non-verbal teenager who communicates through his IPad, calls autism “the silent prison.” And he states that autism and mental deficiency are not synonymous.  

“Autism”, Ido says, “is like being on LSD, it can be at times terrifying and overwhelming.”

Repetitive behaviors such as arm-flapping, string-twirling, finger-dancing, enhance Ido’s sensations and have a narcotic effect for him. Interesting, considering that parents, educators and therapists often tend to stop these behaviors. In a recent blog we published in November 2013, I state “As “experts” on behavior management, our larger repertoire of strategies should be teaching appropriate, functional equivalent (serving the same purpose as the challenging behaviors) behavior repertoires. We should be behavior teachers.

Behaviors have a communicative function. The individual is conveying needs and wants. For example, when the student engages in self-stimulatory behaviors (tapping, self-talking, flapping hands, jumping, body rocking, etc.), he is telling us that he needs sensory stimulation. Thus, the recommended treatment  is (a) Provide Access to Alternative Sources of Stimulation; (b) Teach replacement behaviors: acceptable methods for gaining the same type of stimulation; and (c) Reward the replacement behaviors: use rewards that provide preferred sensations. Telling "stop", "quiet hands", "quiet mouth", etc. is not enough and should not be the only intervention.” Read more at http://totaleducationsolutions.blogspot.com/2013/11/it-should-be-more-than-reacting.html .

Ido says that some of his worst teachers taught him what not to do. “They have to let go of their love for power,” he states. “I think they should all be kept mute one day and sit in an autism class as students, listening to baby talk and the weather.”

What a good idea! I say teachers, parents and “experts” in the field should spend more time putting themselves in the shoes of special needs kids, seeing the world through their eyes, and feeling through their skins, rather than asking (demanding, forcing, fighting?) them to adjust to the “normal” reality. When you hear cargo planes instead of vacuums, shotguns rather than dogs barking, and fire alarms instead of babies crying, following “the rules”, sitting quietly with your hands on the desk, standing in line or listening to the teacher is not the priority. As Ido put it “sensory minutiae that other people filter and organize, collide indiscriminately in your brain. Feelings of anger, sadness and even silliness can escalate, making it very difficult to calm down.” And yet, parents take the kids to a restaurant or the grocery store during rush hours and expect them to “behave.” Teachers sit the kids for long periods of time listening to boring and meaningless lessons or school assemblies and expect them to “behave.” And when the kids do not behave as expected, more often than not adults get angry and react out of frustration.

Special needs students have IEPs, Individualized Education Plans and yet, classroom curriculums, educational materials, physical settings, rules and instructional routines are often the same for the whole class. If parents, teachers and aides are not motivated and trained, and special accommodations and services are not provided consistently across people and settings, then precious time is wasted and special needs children are left in a state of recurrent punishment.

Let’s rescue them.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA
cadatto@tesidea.com

 

To read more about Ido go to http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-autistic-activists-20131223,0,7978256.story#axzz2peAXCbA4

 

Autism and Vitamin D

Reading LifeExtension magazine (January 2014- www.lef.org) I learned that there might be a connection between vitamin D deficiency and Autism. Research indicates that vitamin D stimulates factors in the body than could have a beneficial effect on the disorder:

-        Vitamin D has significant anti-inflammatory actions, which are high in autism. For example, it inhibits the actions of pro-inflammatory prostaglandins, elevated in autism.  Some believe that autism is a disease of neuro-inflammation. The article speculates that vitamin D could help autistic children by reducing inflammation.

-        Autoantibodies to the brain have been identified in autistic children. The severity of autism are associated with levels of those antibodies. The article speculates that vitamin D could help autistic children by reducing levels of antibodies.

-        Some proteins induce the survival, development and function of nerve and brain cells. Vitamin D regulates those proteins and thus, it could help autistic children by increasing those proteins and help the brain to develop properly.

Too many coulds, mights, maybes. The author of the article, John Cannell, MD, advises parents to understand that “no evidence, other than theoretical, exists for such effects.” And yet he states “even though there are no studies proving the benefits of the vitamin in autism specifically, the proven benefits on the mechanism underlying autism make vitamin D a smart option for children with autism.”

And goes on to explain complicated procedures of calculating the dosage per pounds ratio, other vitamin and nutrients the child should take, and blood tests that should be obtained every specific amount of months. Something that the lay person would have a hard time to understand, in my opinion.
And he goes further to provide his contact information “for parents who want me to participate in the diagnosis and treatment of their child.”

I can imagine desperate parents raising their hopes and being ready to invest (waste?) efforts, time and money on unproven treatments.

I think making non-scientifically proven claims and raise the expectations of people is a very delicate matter. We should raise our voices against it and explain the danger involved. I understand parents who will do anything to improve their situation. We the professionals in the field ought to safeguard them.

I usually recommend to share with the general public only proven effective treatments based on scientific research. On behalf of distressed and confused parents, I think it is the right thing to do.

 

Daniel Adatto, MA, BCBA
cadatto@tesidea.com

Raising Your Child with Special Needs

A child with special needs requires special care due to emotional, health, intellectual, developmental or physical reasons. It might be challenging, but it is also rewarding.

Research and clinical practice has repeatedly demonstrated that early intervention is linked with positive treatment outcomes. In seeking effective and research-based treatment for autism, you are on the right path.

Parents with kids with special needs often feel alone, as if they were the only ones facing these problems. It is important to know that you are not alone. We the professionals devote our lives to assist you. It is what we do for a living. Obtaining appropriate education and information will lead you to success. The school, the state health department, support groups and other parents are resources for you to learn more.  

Spend quality time with your child and don’t forget to have fun. Above all, a child with special needs is like any other child because all children have essential needs: acceptance, care, support and more than anything, love. The difference is that the child with special needs experiences delays in development which limit him/her from positive life experiences: learning from the environment and from school, enjoying outings, playing, making friends. This leads to frustration which in turn trigger behavior challenges.

Therefore, these children might be exposed to a state of permanent punishment. Although challenging behaviors produce an immediate desired outcome for the child (e.g. not participate in non-preferred activities, obtaining attention, escaping aversive stimuli, obtaining sensory stimulation) those behaviors also produce anger and frustration in the adults who deal with that child, avoidance by others, poor relationships and low self-esteem, loss of learning opportunities, or restraint.

It’s our job as parents, educators and therapist to rescue this child.

In the spirit of the Holidays, make helping your child a priority for the coming year. That would be the best gift.

 

Daniel Adatto, BCBA
cadatto@tesidea.com